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Michelle Obama learned to put herself first in a healthy way
In addition to figuring out how to say no to the public, Michelle Obama has talked about curbing people-pleasing behaviors in her close relationships, namely in her marriage with 44th president Barack Obama. Her 2018 memoir, “Becoming” recounts how she had to find her own way after years of making sacrifices to support her husband’s political ambitions — despite her own dislike for the field. On Sophia Bush’s podcast, she said that she believed gender was a factor in this tendency. “[W]e, as women, I think we struggle with disappointing people,” she said. “This couldn’t be a grown woman just making a set of decisions for herself, right? But that’s what society does to us. We start actually finally going, ‘What am I doing? Who am I doing this for?'”
In the years since, saying ‘no’ hasn’t necessarily become easier for Obama, but it’s certainly more possible thanks to some personal work. She explained to Sophia Bush that she believes the secret is to treat saying no like a muscle you have to exercise intentionally. The idea is to “rewire those neurons” in your head that feed negative self-talk. In other words, ‘no’ cannot be passive, but something you claim with confidence. Obama also shared on her own podcast that therapy has been helpful in strengthening this ability; particularly with learning how to define life on your own terms..
