Top Books to Read for Navigating a Complex Father-Child Relationship

Molly Brodak’s memoir about her fraught relationship with her gambling addicted father is a must-read for anyone who has ever felt their sense of reality destabilized by their conflict with their own dad. In vulnerable, muscular prose, “Bandit: A Daughter’s Memoir” travels back through time, tracing the sense of confusion and abandonment that permeated Brodak’s childhood. 

She’s a poet first and memoirist second, so the narrative rejects a linear arc, opting instead for an evocative, impressionistic depiction of this father-daughter relationship. In doing so, the story captures Brodak’s own lingering confusion about what went wrong. Brodak is upfront about her own skepticism of straightforward narrative, and vulnerably honest about her own confusion.

“Amazing, heartbreaking examination of what it’s like to be a daughter of a selfish man,” wrote one Goodreads reviewer. Brodak reckons with the lasting damage of a narcissistic parent and the costs of estrangement in a memorable book that will break your heart but leave you feeling seen.

In this classic coming-of-age novel, four girls take on the challenges of early adulthood with the support of their tight-knit group of friends. For two of the four protagonists in “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” by Ann Brashares, that includes navigating complicated relationships with their fathers. While Bridget struggles to come to terms with loss, unsupported by her emotionally distant dad, Carmen grapples with feelings of abandonment after her largely absent father announces his engagement to a new woman.

This is a nostalgic YA novel, which means it’s an easy, fun read, but it packs a lot of emotional punch. “I’m giving this book 5 stars because it’s been twenty years and it still makes me cry,” wrote one Goodreads reviewer. If you’re grieving your own complicated relationship with your father, or perhaps even seeking the catharsis of a fictional character’s well-articulated anger, then this book delivers the perfect, comforting depth. If it hits just right, you’re in luck, because Brashares wrote three follow-ups to this hit novel.

For anyone who has wanted to dig deeper into how their family-of-origin relationships might be impacting their daily adult life, psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson has the book for you. In “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” Gibson emphasizes the importance of developing healthy relationships with our emotions, and offers guidance to build that emotional intelligence if we didn’t get it from our parents. Even the most well-intentioned parents can inadvertently teach their kids to avoid and evade their feelings, reaching instead for self-destructive coping mechanisms. With a strong emphasis on reparenting, Gibson offers compassionate understanding — of our parents and ourselves.

Of course, Gibson doesn’t just recognize complicated father-daughter relationships — it’s also a book that recognizes the complex relationship between mothers and daughters. If you’re looking for a book that can take you beyond feeling seen or the experience of catharsis, this is an accessible self-help option. “This book filled the much-needed role of clearly and compassionately showing what healthy behaviors I should expect in relationships and what healthy behaviors I need to work on adopting,” wrote one Goodreads reviewer.

George R. R. Martin writes women characters with incredible depth, so it should be no surprise that his “A Song of Ice and Fire” series delivers some of the most honest depictions of relationships between fathers and daughters. Martin’s keen eye for human behavior means that every kind of paternal relationship is on display here, from Lord Tywin Lannister’s barely concealed contempt for his daughter Cersei to Lord Eddard Stark’s loving and indulgent parenting of Arya. Whether you’re looking to relate to a daughter with a disappointing dad, or enjoy the escapism of a paternal figure who sees, values, and empowers his offspring, you’ll find it here.

For each dysfunctional parent-child relationship depicted across the novels, there’s a plethora of healthy, happy bonds, too. “Selwyn and Brienne of Tarth: Selwyn tries to find her a good match, and upon failing has her trained in combat so she can embrace her passion,” wrote one Reddit commenter as an example. “Balon and Asha Greyjoy: Loses all his sons so he makes his daughter his second most trusted captain in spite of the Iron Islands’ especially sexist culture.” In a book full of dynamic, original characters, even good people make for bad parents and vice versa — perfect when you need a humanizing reminder.

“Small Fry,” by Lisa Brennan-Jobs is an exploration of the challenges of growing up in the shadow of father figure Steve Jobs. Born while the Apple co-founder was young and still just starting his tech empire, Brennan-Jobs spent much her childhood distanced from the man who refused to acknowledge her for years. Brennan-Jobs carefully balances both her awe for her extraordinary father and her deep sense of abandonment. The result is a poignant, thoughtful memoir that sidesteps lionizing or demonizing Jobs — instead rendering the tightly bound love and disappointment that characterizes so many fraught father-daughter relationships.

In a world of biographies that worship at the altar of Jobs’ tech genius, Brennan-Jobs paints a more humanizing, nuanced portrait. “I am going to begin carrying a copy of this with me at all times, so that when any tech bro worshipfully mentions Steve Jobs I can smack them with this book and then tell them to read it,” wrote one Goodreads reviewer.

This collection of poems, written by Pulitzer Prize winner Sharon Olds, recounts the author’s experience caring for her dying father, with whom she had a turbulent relationship. In “The Father,” Olds investigates deeply conflicted feelings of anger and tenderness, for a raw and personal collection of poetry that captures the nuances of family relationships. The poems weave together into a longer narrative from her father’s diagnosis to his passing, with the poet confronting her feelings of love, grief, and anger.

“This book will give you permission to weep, to laugh, to cry, to mourn,” wrote one Amazon reviewer. “I know, that sounds so depressing, but it isn’t. It’s healing. It’s beauty in being human, in loving people who have their own foibles, in recognizing that part of the circle of life is birth, and part is death.” For anyone navigating complex grief in their relationship to their father, Olds’ book will be a welcome catharsis.

Books were selected for this article based on their depiction of realistic, nuanced father-daughter relationships. With the understanding that readers might be seeking escape, recognition, or guidance, and in an effort to represent both the hopeful highs and cathartic lows, books were chosen that contained both strong and ruptured bonds. Also, in acknowledgement that readers might have different preferences, books were selected from across the genre spectrum, from self-help books to fantasy novels.