Do 10-Year Age Gaps Matter in Relationships? Dating Experts Weigh In

There’s no denying that there’s the possibility of compatibility issues in relationships with bigger age gaps, say around ten years. However, Susan Winter told Women.com that it’s less likely to have a negative impact when both people are already well into their adult years. In other words, if one person is 53 and the other 63, they’re more likely to be on the same page. “However, broad age gap relationships can have noticeable differences when one partner is in their early 20’s and the other in their 40’s,” she told us. So when the younger person is, legitimately, very young, an age discrepancy can cause friction. Meanwhile, dating coach Erika Ettin told us that tension can arise if one partner is insecure about their age — feeling too old or too young for the other person — and this leads to misalignment. 

The greatest risk arises when the older partner feels the need to instruct or guide the younger partner. Winter told Women.com that this is where things can get rocky. “While certainly the senior partner has had more life experience, this impulse can feel like control or manipulation to the younger partner,” she explained. The way to mitigate this, should the couple genuinely want to stay together, is to allow the younger partner to make mistakes. The older person needs to relinquish the desire to act as a mentor or teacher. If the older partner can’t do this, then there could be serious problems, because the younger person runs the risk of feeling controlled or manipulated. The key is to support each other, but also live and let live.

When it comes to couples with an age gap, we traditionally think that the older person holds more power. They’ve had more time to grow, accumulate wisdom, thrive in their careers, and become more established. However, Susan Winter pointed out that this isn’t necessarily the case. “The younger partner may hold the power due to their youth and beauty,” she explained. “So the power distribution in age gap relationships is not always cut and dried.” 

And age gap relationships can not only work, but thrive! Winter told Women.com that the key is cherishing what the other partner brings to the relationship, because they might be very different things. Embrace and respect the differences, and build something beautiful from those unique perspectives. “The most crucial factor for age gap relationships to work is to have very clear communication around lifestyle goals and relationship goals,” Winter said. Winter added that it was especially important to talk openly about family planning goals, but with clear, honest communication, the relationship has every reason to be solid. Dating coach Erika Ettin had a very positive take on age gap relationships, too. “Society often has more to say about it (and more of a problem with it) than the couple itself,” she told Women.com. “As long as both are consenting adults, a 10-year age gap should not be a barrier to any relationship, regardless of who is older.” So go forth in love and enjoy your romance!